So Divine
by SouthOfFerelden
Summary: When Cassandra receives word that she has been selected as a candidate for the next Divine, she struggles with her feelings of being bound by duty to accept it as the Makers will and to make a difference to the world. Of course, The Inquisitor isn't happy about the idea of losing his love. Set during their time at Skyhold before a new Divine is announced.


Lady Cassandra Pentghast would be lying if she said she hadn't been avoiding Mother Giselle and Leliana today. The pair had been trying to discuss an 'important matter' with The Seeker all day, only giving her more reason to hide and avoid them. Mother Giselle had interrupted a moment of quiet time Cassandra had been enjoying with The Inquisitor first thing this morning as the pair shared breakfast in the Great Hall, causing her to make an excuse and hide in the safety of her and The Inquisitor's quarters until the Mother returned to the Garden. When Leliana had repeatedly informed her that there was an 'important matter' to discuss when Cassandra had been sparring with Commander Cullen, The Seeker had pretended she couldn't hear Leliana's increasing shouts over the sound of her blade. But now Lady Pentaghast found herself alone and so far, interrupted.

The Seeker stretches slightly. Tilting her head back to catch some of the warm rays on her face. The weather was being kind to them that day in the mountains, and although still cool from its snowy peaks the sun warmed her spirit. Skyhold always seemed to come to life when the sun was shining, and Cassandra loved her home even more on those days. Cullen would drill the soldiers less on a sunny day, letting his men enjoy some downtime in the warm rays. Leliana seemed to send fewer Ravens on those days, instead spending her time walking the grounds with a messenger or informant. Josephine would often be seen showing groups of Nobles around the Garden, enjoying being out in the fresh air rather than being stuck in her office and showing off Skyhold at its best. The Inquisitor always seemed to be feeling less stressed and overwhelmed when the weather was nice, but maybe that was because he would often spend his downtime in the sun with Cassandra.

Cassandra glances down at her book again, trying to read the pages in the bright light. Okay The Seeker felt that she had been spending more time than usual with The Inquisitor, and it wasn't entirely made up of time spent on official business, but she did feel like she deserved a little down time after the months that they had had. The Seeker and her fellow advisors to the Inquisitor had been working extra hard recently securing support and resources for their cause, not to mention the fact that Cassandra did what the other three didn't, spend time in the field fighting at The Inquisitors side. Cassandra's life had dramatically changed since the events of the Conclave and when she made the decision to reform the Inquisition. Her order, The Seekers, had been manipulated and destroyed by Corypheus leaving her alone with her fellow Seekers scattered, missing or dead. Her sponsor and at the time only person she considered as close to her as a family member, Divine Justina had been killed leaving her foundations shattered. Cassandra thinks back to the moment that she found out that the Divine had been killed and that she would then be all alone.

Cassandra smiles to herself knowing that the biggest change to her life was that she would never have to be alone again. The Seeker now had the Inquisition and all its forces around her at all times, people that looked to her for support and leadership. She now had The Inquisitor, her love, Lord Trevelyan to grow old and build a life with and her friends and fellow advisors Commander Cullen, Lady Josephine Montilyet and Spy Master Leliana. Okay, she also had Solas, Dorian, Iron Bull, Sera, Vivenne, Cole, Blackwall and.. Varric.

The Seeker leans back against the cool stone of the battlements wall getting lost in the pages of her book once more trying to take in everything that she was reading. Dorian had lent it to her from the ever-growing selection of books that he found while out on their quests or bought from passing traders through Skyhold. Cassandra was finding it very slow reading and not even slightly as exciting as her usual romance epics that she enjoyed so much, but if she was going to be marrying her Lord Trevelyan she was going to need to know as much about his home as she could. Cassandra was trying to distract herself from the letter that was sat on the desk in their quarters and her boring reading material wasn't helping. The Seeker knew she was going to have to face it soon but right now, she wanted to enjoy the peace.

"Swamp and Marshland plants of Ostwick?" Leliana asks when she reads the front cover of the large book that Cassandra has in her hands and is balancing on her knees.

"Yes" Cassandra replies weakly looking up to see that Leliana has managed to track her down, but of course she has. Leliana being the Spy Master knew almost all the goings on in Skyhold and could tell you most people's location at anytime. "It is a thrilling read," She adds with a smile.

"I can imagine" Leliana replies closing the wooden door behind her, she steps carefully past Cassandra's legs and moves to sit down next to the Seeker on the cold stone floor. "Cassandra.." Leliana begins turning to look at her friend.

"I know what you are going to say" Cassandra sighs, placing her book down on the floor with a thump. The Seeker was glad to be distracted from her reading for once but she knew what this talk was going to be about and it made Cassandra feel nauseous. "I received a raven yesterday" She adds glancing at Leliana who nods, she had received one too. "Mother Giselle has been trying to talk to me about it all day"

"How do you feel?" Leliana asks her, Cassandra gives her a small appreciative smile when Leliana places her hand on the Seekers arm trying to comfort her.

"Confused.." Cassandra replies with another sigh. "Scared" She adds crossing her arms over her knees "You must be feeling it too Leliana. You have been given the same decision I have and you were close to Justina too" The Seeker says searching her friends face to see how she is feeling.

"It saddens me that they are choosing a new Devine, it makes it feel much more real now" Leliana says trying to keep the sadness from her voice "But my life is my own Cassandra" Leliana says "I can agree to this opportunity without considering anyone else other than myself" She watches Cassandra drop her head slightly. "You have a man that loves you and an order that needs you"

"Are you trying to get me to decline?" Cassandra asks her with a slight smile.

"No" Leliana smiles to her "You are my only rival, but I'm trying to show you how important your decision is. The path you chose will have a great effect on many people. I just wanted you to know, as your friend, that I am here if you need someone to talk to"

"Thank you" Cassandra says glancing at her again "I am here for you too, should you need someone to talk to about it" she adds.

"What did The Inquisitor say when you told him?" Leliana asks her smiling. Cassandra knows how fond of Lord Trevelyan Leliana is and how supportive she has been of their relationship from the start. Cassandra diverts her eyes from Leliana's guilt flashing across her face.

"I haven't told him," Cassandra says quietly watching Leliana's eyes widen and raise her eyebrows. "Do not say anything. I will tell him soon" she sighs again.

"You must tell him Cassandra. This could change everything between you. He has to know that they want you to be the Divine. If you go, he cant go with you" Leliana says sternly. Cassandra nods her head, of course she was right. The Inquisitor did need to know and even though Cassandra was afraid of his reaction he needed to know before anyone else told him.

"They want _you_ to be the Divine too" Cassandra says watching Leliana climb to her feet, she brushes off her tunic and straightens out her clothes.

"I'm not engaged to Lord Trevelyan" Leliana says with a smile again.

"Neither am I" Cassandra says getting to her feet too. She sees Leliana roll her eyes at her making The Seeker smile again. "I'm not.. He hasn't asked me, not officially. I'm honored, but I'm torn" she adds stepping towards the door with Leliana. Before the pair reach it, it swings open nearly knocking them back.

"There you are.." The Inquisitor says as he sets eyes on Cassandra, he glances to see Leliana at her side "Good afternoon Leliana" he adds giving her a smile. "I hope I'm not interrupting, I can come back.." He looks at Cassandra again giving her a smile she loves so much.

"I was just leaving Inquisitor" Leliana bows her head slightly to him. "You know where I am, if you need me," The Spy Master says giving her a reassuring look. Cassandra nods her thanks and watches her squeeze past The Inquisitor leaving them alone.

"I've been looking for you," The Inquisitor says lowering his voice, he catches her eyes with his "I hope its not me you are avoiding" He adds making her smile. Cassandra lets him step closer to her and wrap his arms around her tightly, she moves her arms around his neck holding him close.

"I would never avoid you," The Seeker says with a sigh when her lover bends his head to kiss her softly making her smile against his lips. Cassandra feels him hold her tighter than usual and that he feels like he is struggling to let go of her. The Seeker pushes him away slightly when she notices he looks like something is bothering him and he is avoiding her eyes. The Inquisitor steps away from her slightly and moves to lean against the wall of the battlement, he turns to sit on the edge of the stone.

"Do you have anything you want to tell me?" He asks looking into her face; Cassandra drops her eyes from his. Someone must have told him before she had had the chance to. The Seeker looks up to him again watching as he folds his arms over his chest, crossing his feet.

"Who told you?" Cassandra asks as she moves to stand in front of him. He uncrosses his feet letting her place her hands on his shoulders. "I was going to tell you..," she adds looking into the large brown eyes gazing at her.

"I found this.." He replies reaching into his coat and pulling out the letter that had arrived for Cassandra the day before. Cassandra nods reaching for it to take it from his hand but he pulls it away. "When do you leave?" He asks, Cassandra sees him swallow hard trying to keep from looking upset.

"Leave?" She asks moving her hands to his neck. He drops his head slightly nodding. Cassandra feels a wave of upset wash over her, he wasn't even going to try and make her stay.

"I assume they will need you immediately" He says quietly. "I know this must mean a lot to you, it is a great honor for you. I'm sure it is more than you could have ever hoped for" He says looking at her giving her a weak smile. Cassandra removes her hands from him dropping them to her sides. "If anyone should be the new Divine, it's you"

"Ashton.." Cassandra says quietly not returning his smile.

"Cass it's fine, I understand. You have a duty to The Chantry and a chance to make things right. I understand" He looks down at his feet clearing his throat. "I should have known that you would be seen as a good candidate. I should have known, if it wasn't this maybe it would have been The Seekers that took you from me. I should never have let myself feel like this about you and believe you would be able to stay here with me"

"Its my choice, no one is taking me away" Cassandra sighs feeling her voice wavering. She looks to him again for his usual comforting smile but she doesn't find it, just a look of sadness in his eyes reflecting back her feeling of heartbreak.

"You should go.. " He looks down again avoiding her eyes. Cassandra throws her arms around his neck again pulling his head against her shoulder. "I cant offer you what being The Divine could, the world would be yours Cass"

"I don't want the world, I want you" The Seeker sniffs resting her head against his as he engulfs her in his strong arms again.

"But you deserve this, I'm being supportive and trying to make you see that you should go and follow your dreams. I'm trying to give you the opportunity to walk away right now and be everything I know you can be," He mumbles. "You have the chance to change the world"

"We are already doing that here, we are changing the world together Inquisitor. Our fight is only just beginning.. I can't walk away from what we've started. I can't walk away from you. You have given me more than I ever hoped to find" Cassandra sniffs again trying to hold herself together. "I love you, I can't be without you. I can't leave you to face this alone" she adds.

"I love you" He sighs lifting his head to kiss her again. Cassandra sighs against his lips closing her eyes trying to stop the tears from escaping from them, The Inquisitor presses his hands to her face gently deepening their kiss. "That is why you must go" Cassandra frowns when he pulls away from her and turns away from her.

"You cannot make that decision for me" Cassandra says suddenly feeling angry with him for trying to make her go. She storms after him when he opens the door stepping back into Skyhold. "Do not walk away from me" She shouts after him.

"I wont let you stay because of a misplaced idea that you can't leave me. You can leave me Seeker, and you will. You know as well as everyone else does, you should be the next Divine. I don't need you staying here because of me and then having to see regret in your eyes every time I look into them" He says raising his voice to her. Cassandra stops in her tracks shocked to hear the tone in his voice having never heard it directed it at her before. He had had to deal with her wraith many times with her short temper but her gentle Inquisitor had never raised his voice before.

Cassandra chases after him as he walks around the round landing, past Dorian's library and down the stairs into Solas' room. Solas glances up when he hears raised voices.

"How dare you" Cassandra shouts at him "How dare you tell me you love me and then turn your back on me" Cassandra raises her hand silencing Solas who looks like he is about to ask if they are all right. "You have no idea what is being asked of me. I am being pulled in three directions. You don't know what it means to be asked of such a thing. I have a duty to The Chantry..You should be begging me to stay"

"I _do_ love you" The Inquisitor throws the door open into the Great Hall letting It bang loudly no longer caring that everyone has gone quiet and are watching the scene unfold. "But I will not ask you to stay for my benefit, I don't beg.. Not even for you" He adds as he stops in the middle of the Hall.

"Are you too proud to tell me you don't want me to go?" Cassandra says her voice getting louder.

"No. You know I don't want you to go, but this isn't about me and my wants" He sighs bringing his hand up to his face, he rubs the spot between his eyes. "Just go.. I know its what you want Lady Pentaghast. You don't need to save my feelings by acting like you didn't hope for the chance to step into Justina's shoes"

"Does it upset you so that I will become The Divine and you will always just be this, Just the Inquisitor" Cassandra says motioning around her "You are right about that, I am the right choice for this and I should be all I can be" She adds with a snort. "I don't need you to be great. I don't need to stand at your side to be the best. At least I am being chosen for something great rather than just falling out of the sky" Cassandra immediately regrets her words when she sees his face fall.

"Ash.. I'm sorry, I didn't mean it.." Cassandra whispers reaching for him, he pushes her hand away.

"Just leave. I will be fine" He sighs obviously not wanting to talk about it any longer. Cassandra watches as he turns again and stomps away from her and out of the doors of Skyhold slamming them behind him.

Cassandra groans in frustration. All she had wanted him to do was tell her he wanted her to stay and she would have done. The Seeker knew she was right for the job and that she could really make a difference to the Chantry if she was made The Divine, she was destined for this role and even though she hadn't known it at the time, Justina had been preparing her for it during their time together. All she wanted was for the Inquisitor to tell her he wanted her with him, but he had to be considerate and decide that being The Divine was best for her. Damn him. She feels the sadness well up in her again, he was trying to make her leave because he wanted her to be great and she had said some unkind things to him.

The Seeker chokes back her tears of anger and sadness and storms down the Great Hall of Skyhold and to the door to their quarters. She pushes it open forcefully before quickly climbing the stairs to the room reaching the safety of its walls before the tears get too much and burst from her eyes. Lady Pentaghast opens the door to the closet dragging her heavy trunk into the center of the room; she begins throwing her belongings into the bottom of it intent on being packed and leaving as soon as she can. Cassandra places her hands on his coat about to throw it into her trunk but sees that it belongs to The Inquisitor, she sinks to her knees when she can no longer keep the sobs from escaping her lips and stop her body from shaking.

"Oh Seeker.." Cassandra recognizes the soothing voice of her friend immediately and is reassured by his presence. Commander Cullen kneels down next to her dragging her into his arms and a comforting hug, letting her burry her head into his shoulder as she cries. Cassandra lets herself be wrapped up in his warmth as all her frustration, anger and sadness leaves her eyes and soaks into his shirt. "Sshh.. Its alright" He whispers gently rocking her. Cassandra sobs even harder when she wishes with every bit of her that it was her Inquisitor reassuring her. Cullen remains quiet until he is sure she has finished crying, rubbing her back to remind her that he is still there for her.

"Thank you Cullen" Cassandra says quietly letting him remove his arms from around her realizing that they'd never really been as close physically as that before. "I'm sorry you had to see that" She adds feeling embarrassed. She hadn't let herself fall apart like that in many years.

"Anytime" The Commander says giving her a small smile which she returns, "What has happened? I heard shouting.." Cullen lowers himself completely to the floor so he is sat next to her.

"I received a letter" Cassandra begins "They want me to be the next Divine, a candidate anyway," She says looking at him to gauge his reaction. Cullen's eyebrows lift in surprise.

"That is wonderful news" He smiles widely at her "You must be thrilled" He adds, when he doesn't see much excitement on her face he wonders what has happened. Cullen pauses for a moment before realizing. "I take it you told The Inquisitor?" He asks glancing around them wondering where his friend is. "Did he refuse to let you go? You should tell him Cassandra that you want to go. This will be such an opportunity for you. I know that you love him, but you cant let him stop you," The Commander continues. Cassandra shakes her head bringing her hand to her face to wipe her eyes.

"He told me to go" Cassandra whispers.

"Oh.." Cullen answers "But isn't that a good thing? He is giving you his blessing to grab this with both hands. You could be the next Divine, Cassandra. This is incredible. I know you like Skyhold, but I'm sure you would both soon feel at home at.."

"Cullen, he wouldn't be allowed to come with me. If I was to become Divine, I'd never see him again" Cassandra sobs again bringing her hands up to her face. Cullen nods slowly understanding the predicament his friend is in.

"But he still told you to go?" The Commander asks frowning slightly. "Do you want to go? I thought you might end up heading The Seekers and rebuilding the order. But this, this must be what you've always wanted?"

"I said unkind things to him because he was telling me to leave. He obviously thinks I want him to support me and tell me that I should go, when all I really wanted was for him to ask me to stay" Cassandra wipes her eyes again "Being The Divine would feel like I could continue Justina's work, it would be the highest honor I could ever placed upon me" Cassandra sniffs "I hoped I could rebuild the Seekers but remain with the Inquisition, remain with him.. Why would he tell me to go?"

"Maybe he is trying to protect his pride" Cullen says giving her a little nudge trying to get her to stop crying, "He is probably trying to protect his heart. I know if I were in his situation I would tell you to leave too. He obviously doesn't want you to go in truth"

"But I have a hundred reasons why I should go. He should be the one thing that keeps me here" She sighs again. "If he had told me to stay I would have torn the letter up and forgotten all about it"

"He would never ask that of you. He wants the best for you, if he thinks that is being the Divine he wont ask you to stay" Cullen says reaching for her again placing his arm around her shoulders trying to offer her support. "He wouldn't want you to resent him for keeping you here" he adds.

"I was so unkind to him," She whispers leaning into Cullen.

"He is stronger than you know Cassandra. But he probably thinks this is better than having to say goodbye to you" Cullen squeezes her arm again.

"How is this better?" Cassandra sobs again "He acted like he didn't even care, I've never seen him that way" Cassandra places her hand over the locket at her throat, she knew he loved her but maybe Cullen was right, he was trying to save his pride and his heart.

"No one has to see him cry" The Commander says glancing at The Seekers hand "You know he cares, you know he loves you. But if he had told you to stay you would have been upset with him too. But maybe you should go, you deserve this after all your hard work and dedication to the cause. No one could reunite the Chantry like you could"

"That is what he said.." Cassandra sighs.

"If you decide to go, I will keep an eye on him" Cullen says nodding, he was his friend and he knew that if Cassandra did leave it would hurt him greatly. "Would it make you happy?"

"I do not know. It shouldn't be about happiness.." Cassandra smiles weakly trying to show that she is okay.

"If you don't have happiness, what do you have?" Cullen asks her catching her eyes with his. "I know you must feel like you are bound by duty to accept this, but what you want matters too. No one would think less of you if you decided to stay with us. You have to do what is best for you, not just best for the world"

"I want this.. I have to make myself want this" Cassandra says suddenly feeling more confident "I don't believe my happiness is a factor into my decision. If it were about my happiness, I would stay here with my Inquisitor. I can't be selfish; I can't be disrespectful and decline. If this is the Maker's will, then I have to go and sort this mess out"

"It sounds like you have decided. Are you going to say goodbye to him?" Cullen asks giving her a questioning look.

"No" She sighs, "I think it might break my heart.. Thank you Cullen, I need to get back to packing my things" She adds giving him a thankful look. The Commander nods climbing to his feet. "Tell him I love him" She whispers trying to hold back more tears.

"He knows. You must decide what is best for you Seeker, no one will judge you on the decision you make" Cullen says "You deserve to be happy" He adds finally disappearing down the stairs leaving her alone. Cassandra slams the trunk shut sitting on top of it. Saying goodbye to any of her friends would be too difficult let alone Lord Trevelyan. But The Seeker knew, she had to put her duty to the Chantry ahead of her duty to her heart. She couldn't be that Seeker that turned down being the Divine for her own wants to be with the man she loved.

Cassandra stands from her seated position on her trunk, she turns grabbing the handle beginning to drag it towards the stairs. Her mind was made up, if her love wouldn't give her a reason to stay then she had no choice but to go and take her place as the Divine. Her training as a Seeker taught her to be selfless and brave, she had to put this above everything else in her life and make things right again. She owed it to Justina's memory to continue her work. The Seeker bumps the trunk down the stone steps of their room struggling with the weight of it. She pushes the wooden door open into the Great Hall hoping that she wouldn't see him waiting for her and see the look of disappointment on his face.

Cassandra glances up and sees Josephine and Cullen huddled together talking quietly, they look over to her bowing their heads, a look of sadness on their faces too. Cassandra was going to miss them. She works her way around the groups of nobles and guests, ignoring the whispers and looks she is getting as she walks with her trunk down the Great Hall. Cassandra tries to lift her head high, she should be proud of herself. Instead she feels the weight of sorrow pressing down on her shoulders. Divine Justina had given up more than she had, The Seeker berates herself.

"Good luck Lady Pentaghast" Cassandra hears Josephine call out to her; she doesn't look back out of fear of breaking down again. She wouldn't say goodbye to them.

Cassandra slows slightly taking a final look around Skyhold, even if she wasn't chosen to be the Divine, she couldn't return here once she had left them. She decides that she would have to find The Seekers if she had nowhere else to go. Cassandra smiles weakly, she loved Skyhold and the people that lived there, they were her family, her friends and her loves. When Cassandra reaches the doors she pauses.

"Please forgive me," The Seeker whispers under her breath to no one but herself. She squeezes her eyes closed trying to focus on her own breathing to calm her nerves. Cassandra suddenly realizes how much she needs him to save her from this right now and stop her from leaving Skyhold and making the biggest mistake of her life because she felt duty bound. "Please stop me Ashton" she whispers again placing her hand on the large metal hoop of the door.

When he doesn't appear, The Seeker pulls the door open stepping through it dragging her trunk with her letting the door slam behind her. Cassandra takes a deep breath of the clear mountain air wondering if she will ever see this place again. She steps onto the stone steps moving down them slowly trying to keep her head high. She considers rushing back into the safety of the fortress and into her Inquisitors arms but her stubbornness and pride stops her. Cassandra pulls her trunk behind her as she turns walking down the last set of stairs and into the courtyard. She looks over to her training dummies and one of her favourite spots in Skyhold, under the trees in the sunshine.

"Goodbye Skyhold" The Seeker says quietly stepping onto the grass and cobblestones, she turns to walk through the archway that would lead her down the final set of stairs and out through the gates and bridge of Skyhold.

"Cassandra!" She looks up hearing the loud noise of the main door and her name being shouted. She sees The Inquisitor throw himself through the door and begin running down the steps two at a time towards her; he skips the last few jumping off of them trying to reach her faster. Cassandra feels a sob catch in her throat when he wraps her in his arms pulling her against him.

"Just tell me to stay" She begins wrapping her arms around his neck holding him as if her life depended on it, which it probably did. "Tell me you don't want me to leave and I wont," she sobs into his neck.

"Stay" The Inquisitor whispers to her bringing his hand up to her hair. "Please don't leave me," He adds moving his arm to around her waist. "Stay for you, not just for me" Cassandra sighs at his words as he pulls back from her slightly, he cups her face in his hands brushing away her tears. "But stay for us, we don't have to be apart from each other if you let yourself be happy"

"I have a duty," She cries looking into his eyes.

"You have a duty to yourself. Why should you give up your happiness for The Chantry?" He asks searching her eyes. "You do so much for everyone else, do something for you. Tell me you want to be Divine and that it will make you happy and I will let you go" Cassandra places her hands over his on her face looking at the fire that she can see burning behind his eyes.

"You make me happy.." The Seeker begins "Being here with you, with our friends, our home.. This makes me happy" She adds smiling weakly. She knew he would stop her and admit he didn't want her to leave, but she didn't realize it would be because her happiness was the most important thing.

"Then why are you leaving?" He asks pressing his lips to hers gently. Cassandra runs her hands down to his chest finding comfort in her love.

"I'm needed" Cassandra says, not sounding so convinced herself.

"You would make a great Divine, Lady Pentaghast. There is no one better for the job.. But you are needed here too. I'm not talking about my want for you to be here, I'm talking about what you bring to the Inquisition. We need you" He rests his forehead against hers. "I need you"

"I didn't mean what I said.." She whispers feeling bad for what she said to him. "I need you too. You are all that I need," she adds as he rubs his hands down her back.

"Then be selfish. Choose this.. For the first time in your life put aside your want to please everyone else and do something for you. They will find another Divine, one that doesn't have to sacrifice her life to a cause that doesn't deserve it. This isn't all on you Cass" He pulls her closer again letting her rest her chin on his shoulder.

"I choose us," Cassandra says quietly feeling the warmth and love radiating for her lover. They would find another Divine, he was right. "But I choose this for me, for my happiness" she adds feeling his hold tighten on her.

"I hoped you would," He says pressing his mouth against her hair. "I was prepared to beg you stay Cassandra," He adds making her smile.

"You said you don't beg" Cassandra replies letting go of him again, she was foolish to think she could have ever given him up, even if she did think she had to for the benefit of the Chantry.

"I'd do anything for you" He says catching her eyes again making her smile spread.

"I'm sorry" She sighs as he takes her hands in his linking their fingers together. He rubs his thumbs against her skin as he shakes his head. "For saying those things, for trying to leave.. I thought I was doing what was expected of me"

"Never apologize for the way you are and your beliefs Seeker. No one should have to make that kind of decision between their own wants and their faith. I'm just happy to see you be selfish" He brings his hand to his mouth kissing the back of it. "I couldn't live without you" he adds making her blush when his eyes move to her smile. Cassandra throws her arms around his neck again kissing him trying to remove all thoughts of how close she had come to leaving him. She sighs against his lips when he draws her closer to him melting against his body, suddenly wishing they were in the privacy of their quarters.

"Is she staying?" Commander Cullen shouts from the stop of the stairs. Cassandra breaks away from her lovers mouth to look up to the doors of Skyhold, she sees Cullen, Leliana, Josephine, Varric and Dorian have gathered there.

"Yes" Cassandra shouts to them seeing the smiles appear on all of their faces, even Varrics. "You don't get rid of me that easily Commander" The Seeker adds unwrapping her arms from Lord Trevelyan. She watches as The Inquisitor struggles to lift the end of her trunk giving her a questioning look as to why it is so heavy. "Someone needs to keep you all in line" she adds walking up the stone steps to join her friends and walk back into her home, her safety and happiness in Skyhold.

Cassandra rolls over again sighing with frustration, she was finding it difficult to get sleep to visit her tonight and her mind was racing keeping her awake. The Seeker moves her eyes to her sleeping lovers back and broad shoulders watching them move slowly as he breathes. At least he wasn't being kept awake by her restlessness tonight although she knew his thoughts were far from happy earlier in the day after they had argued. Cassandra shifts moving closer to the sleeping Inquisitor, she drapes her arm around his waist resting her head against his back nuzzling her cheek against his warm skin. The Seeker loved this man more than anything but her conscience was now punishing her for even considering leaving him.

"Are you okay?" He asks sleepily moving his hand to place it over hers.

"I'm sorry I woke you.." She whispers quietly, placing a kiss against his shoulder as she cuddles into his back tighter.

"What is keeping you awake?" He asks reaching his hand up to brush her face gently. Cassandra shakes her head sighing against his neck. "I hope you aren't regretting your decision to stay" He adds turning his head slightly to look at her. Cassandra shakes her head again.

"No, of course not" Cassandra watches him roll over onto his back so he can look at her completely. She leans up on her arm so that she can look down into his face to reassure him that she is okay. "I'm where I'm supposed to be" Cassandra adds smiling as he strokes her face again returning her smile, still not looking convinced.

"Then what is it?" He asks searching her eyes best he can in the near dark of their room.

"I nearly lost you, and it would have been my own doing" Cassandra says quietly making him sit up; he reaches for hand taking it in his. "With everything out there that wants to destroy us" She adds leaning against his shoulder. "I almost succeeded on my own"

"But you didn't, I'm here and so are you" The Inquisitor replies moving his hand behind her so his arm is around her.

"Would you have come after me?" She asks seeing a smile tug at the corner of his mouth. "Even if I didn't deserve you to" Cassandra draws her knees up closer to her body letting him place his hand on her hip.

"I would have followed you" The Inquisitor says "I would have marched my armies to their door and demanded to see you" He adds making Cassandra smile "I would have broken the door down and swept you off your feet and brought you back to Skyhold" Cassandra lets out a snort as she rests her hand against his chest.

"So romantic" The Seeker sighs when his lips press to hers. She moves her hand to his hair trailing her fingers down to the base of his neck, as she gets lost in his kiss and the feeling of his hands on her. Cassandra lets him guide her back onto the bed so she is laying once again among the cushions.

"Cullen will be pleased you are staying" The Inquisitor says wrapping his arms loosely around her again; placing light kisses against her neck.

"Oh?" Cassandra asks placing her hands on his chest again stopping his actions so she can look at him. The Inquisitor shrugs casually. "Did he say that? Has he said something to you?" She asks frowning slightly.

"No" The Inquisitor replies "I know you are friends" He adds starting to look confused "Is there something he should have said to me?" He asks moving his hands to her waist, Cassandra shakes her head trying to remove his look of confusion.

"We just talked.." Cassandra moves to kiss him again but he still looks puzzled.

"When?" He asks her sitting up again.

"When I was packing my things" Cassandra places her hands on his again trying to stop him getting the wrong idea and trying to sooth the look of jealousy on his face. "He was happy for me" she adds.

"Did he tell you that you should leave?" The Inquisitor asks starting to wonder how good of a friend Cullen really was to them.

"Yes, but only because he thought it was what I wanted, as you did" Cassandra wraps her arms around his neck pulling him down next to her again. She places a kiss on his cheek nuzzling her mouth against him. "I was upset" she adds kissing the corner of his mouth. "Don't be angry with him" Cassandra places her hands on his shoulders again feeling him relax under her touch.

"He found me, and told me you were leaving" The Inquisitor says quietly drawing her to him again. "Maybe for his own gain.." he adds making Cassandra laugh. She gives him a little shove.

"Do not say that. He is your friend, he is _our_ friend" The Seeker assures him. Cassandra pushes him onto his back again placing her body against his, tangling her legs with his as she moves her mouth to his throat. "And its you that I am sharing my bed with Inquisitor"

" _Our_ bed" The Inquisitor laughs closing his eyes when his Seeker slides her hand down to his stomach. "I love you Cass.."

"I love you, too" Cassandra smiles against his neck hearing the small groan escape his lips. She was going to show him that she was exactly where she wanted to be. 


End file.
